its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
