In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
