cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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