My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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