I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
