maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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