Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
