he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
