Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
