I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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