After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
