I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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