Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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