he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
