carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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