Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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