Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.

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(607): View more from New York

Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.

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(646): View more from New York

I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.

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(848): View more from New Jersey

How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?

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