i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
