My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
