Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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