I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
