i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize