So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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