guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
