so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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