I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
