He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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