Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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