I want to make a zoo with you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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