my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize