I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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