Me too!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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