I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
