Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
