You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
