im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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