i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
