what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
