It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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