If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Randomize
