I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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