I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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