I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
