you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
