the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
