i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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