yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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