I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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