Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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