haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
