We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
