uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
