sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
