I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
