Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize