State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
