I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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