I'm going to rape someone's good day.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
