I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
