My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Barsexuality is the new black.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
