Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
