nut hugger
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
handjob tips. give me some.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Randomize
