I'm going to jail i love you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
