I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
