i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
