just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
