you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
