Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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