i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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