haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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