Can Purell be used as lube?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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