At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
