Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
